Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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