his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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