I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
