8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
