Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
