Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
