i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
