i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
