We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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