what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
