Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
