i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
