thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
