Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
