We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
