I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
