I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
