Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
my poor anus
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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