Pregnant stripper...not hot.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize