You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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