If that was your dad, he is hot
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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