I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Buhtt sex?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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