I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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