If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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