He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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