Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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