all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
