One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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