and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
