So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
