I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
