Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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