I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
