I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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