Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
