Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
