There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
