apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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