So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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