I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
