I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
