I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
