We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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