Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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