Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
