What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
