I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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