I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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