You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
