South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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