you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
