You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
