At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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