just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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