it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
