Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
