Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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