I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
