Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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