I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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