plz talk dirty to me
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She told me I should be a condom model.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
