I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Sober January is a disaster.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
