Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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