Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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