Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
