Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
