You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
